First Time Takers Can Be Assholes.

Now really, I know I was not like that the first time I studied for the bar. I have always been scared to death that I might fail (and alas, I did not actually die) and therefore, had much sympathy for those who did not pass the first time. The only people who don't understand that failing the bar is not an indication of the ability to practice law are people who have never suffered through law school or the bar exam, or worked at a law firm. I have done both.

I was temping at a medium sized law firm when results came out. I had to actually walk in there on Monday morning after learning I had failed on the previous Friday. Talk about a shitty, humbling experience. Everyone at that firm was totally understanding and supportive and made it seem like the fact that I had failed did not affect their opinion of me or my abilities. But what I noticed was that several of the lawyers there came in to tell me that they had not passed the first time either. Would have been good to know that before I walked in there that morning, but it did make me feel exponentially better; these people were successful, (relatively) happy lawyers that had founded a thriving practice and had lived to tell the tale. They also have an exceptionally good reputation as lawyers and as a firm. So, I still have hope.

But anyway, on to the assholes. You know, now that I am a second time taker (like my favorite failure, JFK. Jr. - I hate it when people mention him) there are several people in my bar review class now that were behind me in law school. One in particular, I will fondly refer to as Jackass, seems to be of the opinion that he is doing this the RIGHT WAY. He pontificates, in great detail, on his study schedule and the superior techniques he has learned along the way through sheer dedication, determination and devotion to his studies. He was shocked to learn that I had taken Barbri and two PMBR classes last time and that I studied around the clock and did not goof off. He looked at me with a pointed look that said, "Well then, you must be stupid, because if I had done that, I would have passed for sure." He is just so, so sure that he is going to pass and so, so sure that what he is doing is so much better than what the rest of us did, that I just want to poke him in the eye. I am a big believer in karma and what goes around comes around, so I am not going to wish him any bad ju-ju, but he can suck it.

He was an ass in school and he is a bigger ass now. He has a cushy job waiting for him at a large law firm when he passes. He has never worked in a large law firm. My feelings about bad karma notwithstanding, I will laugh when the humiliating, spirit-crushing life of a first year associate makes him wish he had gone to medical school. While trying to bill 2300 hours that first year, he will also try to stop his wife from nagging about the hours, keep his daughters from cultivating absent-daddy issues that will surely result in an eating disorder, try to not notice the hot secretary that is clearly looking for a ticket out of "support staff" hell, all the while doing tedious, unending research for a partner who will take credit for it. If he is actually allowed client contact, the client will not even acknowledge him due to his dubious title as "Junior Associate", let alone consider him "brilliant." Good luck to ya, my friend. I have seen better men than you crash and burn in a fiery death of debt, divorce and malpractice.

God, I feel better. Now, on to MBE's.